In our last email we talked about how marketing high-value services is much more like building a long term relationship than a one-night stand.

And yet most of the techniques taught online are one-night stand tactics. Showing off. Using scarcity. Pushing for an immediate decision with a deadline.

If you want to win loyal, high-value clients you've got to start dating. Building a relationship over time.

But here's what many, many people forget:

When you're dating if either person stops enjoying it, they break it off.

With dating, you don't get to your destination if the journey stops being fun.

And it's the same with business relationship building.

Just because someone signs up for your emails or connects with you on Linkedin doesn't give you license to keep pushing sales pitches at them.

And it doesn't give you license to bore them to death either.

A lot of what passes for relationship building in online marketing is just “sending people stuff” in the name of adding value.

But given how easy it is for me to find information online, if all you're doing to build a relationship with me is sending information, I'm not going to be that impressed.

Different people look for different things, of course. But most people are on the lookout for:

• New and insightful information they haven't seen before
• A personal connection with someone they like, and
• To actually enjoy their interactions with you – just like with dating

Even if you send hugely valuable information to people in your communications with them, if that's all it is they'll eventually tire of it.

The hidden key to online relationship building is to keep the process enjoyable – just like with dating.

Add drama to your communications. A story. An amusing anecdote. An admission of a past failure. A rallying cry. Some interaction.

There are many different ways to do it.

Some people are naturally funny. Others create angry rants and rail against a shared enemy their audience has. Others tell moving stories of their personal experience.

You have to find what works for you.

Personally, I'm not an angry person – I can't do that whole “world's gone mad” rant thing.

I like to think I'm funny-ish. But I can't write laugh-a-minute stuff.

So I tend to throw in the odd personal story or anecdote – usually of me messing something up. I like to use analogies too – like the dating one.

I try to write like I'm chatting to a smart friend – rather than talking down to people. I think that's a good move for most people.

It's not going to win me a Pulitzer prize any time soon. But it's enough to keep my musings interesting enough that the message gets through and most people come back for more.

You'll have to find your own style. And match it to your medium too – what works on video might not work on email and vice versa.

But you only find out what works for you by doing it.

And usually by doing it badly first :)

I've had to delete my early videos off YouTube they're so cringeworthy.

And my early articles read like an essay I'm trying to impress my MBA Prof with.

But over time I got better.

And you know what? Those early videos, articles and emails worked too – even if wince looking back at them.

If you're looking to build high-value relationships with wonderful clients you've got to figure out the whole dating thing of making your interactions and communications something your folks look forward too.

Figure it out your way harnessing your strengths. And start doing it even if you haven't mastered it yet.

Because you will get results even if you're not perfect. And doing it is the only way to improve.