I needed to get some new photos done in a hurry recently for an external publication I was going to appear in.

I was heading in to Manchester later in the week, so made an enquiry with a photographer there.  I picked a high end one who worked with a lot of actors as I wanted some good headshots with “character”.

When I got an email reply to my enquiry about availability I noticed that the photographer was actually based way outside the city centre and I wasn't going to be able to fit in a visit.

The photographer was really good, so I decided I would just get a few quick ones done on the day with an alternative, and then go for a full shoot with him later on. So I emailed the photographer to tell him my plans.

My email must have hit something of a raw nerve as I got a snarky email back about how I was using the wrong criteria, how it would hurt my website and let down my image not to use him. How he was one of the last few classically trained photographers.

But apparently I should “fill my boots” if I could find someone as good as him.

I was quite taken aback. And naturally I decided on the spot that I wouldn't be using him for my full shoot after all.

I couldn't fathom what had prompted him to write such a snarky email that had lost him a certain sale.

Then I realised. I often do the same thing myself.

We all like to see ourselves as the lords of our own domain really. And when our expertise is challenged or ignored, even indirectly, we react.

I saw the fact that I was going to use someone else for the quick shoot for the magazine as a simple necessity due to a shortage of time. He saw it as a slight on his capabilities and proof that I didn't know what I was doing.

And I must admit, when someone ignores my advice or disagrees with it (especially in an area where I think I really know what I'm doing) I tend to see it as a bit of a slight too. 

It's usually not. There are a whole bunch of reasons why people might not choose to follow your advice that have nothing to do with you.

Take a deep breath. Don't immediately email back if you feel yourself reacting.

Treat people well, even if you disagree with them, and they may well come back to you. Lose your cool and send a snarky email and they're gone for life.

It's something I'm going to be more aware of in future.