Last week's Sunday email about the pain and discomfort of selling really struck a chord. Many thanks to everyone who emailed me saying how that was exactly the way they felt, and how much the tips had helped them.

Here's something to think about in similar vein.

How can we make referring us less painful?

As we saw last week, the thought of directly promoting ourselves fills a lot of us with horror. Yet often, when we ask for referrals, that's exactly what we're asking other people to do on our behalf.

Now some people love to recommend others they know or have had great service from.

But to many, recommending other people's services to their friends, colleagues and clients brings up the same uncomfortable feelings of being pushy and salesy that we talked about last week.

If you ask them for a referral they'll politely agree and say they'll think about it. But they rarely actually do refer you. It all feels too painful and risky to them.

So how can we take away that risk and pain?

I've found the best way is to go back to good old “Value in Advance”.

Create something for them to “give away” to people instead of “referring” you.

This could be an invitation to a useful seminar you're running. It could be a voucher for a free copy of a book you've just had published.

It could be an email suggesting to people they check out a free video you've got up on your website where you show them how to tackle a particularly tricky problem.

It could be a free report – either in online PDF or printed format.

They still go through the same process of introducing you to a potential client as a traditional referral. But instead of feeling salesy, they get to feel good because they're giving something useful, something of value to their friends, colleagues and clients.

Do you think they're more likely to do something that makes them feel good than something that makes them feel salesy?

You bet.

And all it takes is for you to create that little thing of value they can give away.

Get working on it!